Part 1: Pre-Retreat
I didn’t realize how much I needed this peacefulness. This quiet. This semi-isolation and this stepping away from the daily stresses of the world.
My mind is reflecting the environment around me and, for the first time in a long time, the incessant chatter has ceased. The peace and quiet has returned. The trust in being has settled back in.
And I know this won’t last forever,
so I’ll enjoy it while I can.
Like a full body and brain reset. A much needed pause. The comfort found in just being here.
As my mind quiets, I notice my soul can speak. Truth pours from my tissues and my bones, my breath and my heart beat. The waters are tranquil and calm. A sapphire pool perfect for floating. And being. Here.
I didn’t realize how much I needed this peacefulness and this quiet. In this space, my soul returns home. I am safe. And I am free.
Part 2: The Retreat
It was almost 8pm the night before the Retreat when Alix knocked on my door. “I think it’s appendicitis. I’m taking Kayla to the Emergency Room.”
“F*ck,” I thought to myself. “This could be really bad.” And the peacefulness + serenity that I had just experienced a day prior was instantly washed away by waves of worry, uncertainty, and fear.
Kayla’s surgery went well, thank goodness, but recovery from something like that is not an easy road.
Fortunately, for us, we had a group of 8 incredible humans — all from different parts of the globe — that were the most understanding, supportive, and rad humans to have around. I swear the universe puts certain people together on these retreats for a reason.
Confidence is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. It’s been a battle to believe in myself — something I’ve been working on for a while now — but deep paths take time to reroute.
But this retreat felt like the final push. It was time to leave the nest, so to speak. And I had no choice but to lead the Retreat, without Kayla. I had to jump to prove to myself that I could fly.
My intention was to show up honestly + authentically and to hold space as best I could for the 8 beautiful beings that joined us for the Retreat.
Of course, in hindsight, there are some things I’d do differently next time, but to be totally transparent and honest, I’m really freaking proud of myself.
Because Caitlin 10 years ago would have crumbled and given in to the fear. And I’m so proud to see how far I’ve come. It also motivates me to think how much more room there is to grow.
And it also reminds me how important it is to surround yourself with people that inspire you and believe in you.
Because together we shine brightest.
I’m often on these Retreats as a “teacher,” but most of the time I leave having learned so much more.
Part 3: Post-Retreat
Retreat endings are always bittersweet. On one end it’s hard saying goodbye to the wonderful humans (and the delicious food at Still Salty Escape) that you’ve just deeply connected with over the last week…
But on the other end, I often find that I leave these Retreats feeling replenished and rejuvenated, inspired and motivated to take what I’ve learned with me back into the world.
Brian and I had just a handful of days left before we had to catch a flight from Managua to Miami, and with the high tide beginning to creep into the afternoon, we decided to head a few hours south to check out Miramar.
We were warmly welcomed at Puerto Sandino Surf Resort and, little did we know, we’d spend the next three days surfing super fun and uncrowded waves with a really epic crew.
Traveling — like yoga, like surfing, like life — will always come with its fair share of challenges, setbacks, and surprises… Maybe even some moments of doubt and fear sprinkled in. But as I’m learning, giving it a go is often much better than not trying and never knowing.
The perspectives gained, the lessons learned, and the inevitable growth are all what makes life so rich and so worth living.
We are all just a bunch of humans doing our best to navigate this journey of life. There is no one right way to live. Follow your heart and trust your gut. Do what makes you happy and share that happiness with others. Be kind, everyone is fighting some sort of battle. And don’t wait for tomorrow, because it is never promised.
Start living NOW.